Toxic friendship quiz — the honest checklist

"Toxic" gets used for everything from a genuinely harmful relationship to a friend who was rude once. The difference is pattern and direction: does this keep happening, and does raising it make things better or worse? Read the list below and count.

How many of these are true most of the time?

You rehearse conversations before having them.

Anticipating a bad reaction is the body keeping score before the mind admits it.
Good news feels risky to share with them.

If success gets punished with coolness or a competing story, the friendship has a ceiling.
You're the one who always reaches out first.

One-sided effort isn't always malice — but it is information about how much they want this.
Your problems become their problems, fast.

A friend who redirects every difficulty back to themselves isn't available for you.
You've stopped mentioning certain people or topics.

Self-censorship is the quiet version of walking on eggshells.
Apologies come with a clause.

"I'm sorry you felt that way" isn't an apology, it's a reframe.
You feel worse after seeing them, more often than better.

This is the single most useful signal on the list. Track it for a month.
They know exactly which insecurity to poke.

Precision requires knowledge. That's what makes it different from a careless comment.
Other friendships have quietly shrunk since this one grew.

Isolation is rarely announced; it happens by scheduling and by attitude.
Raising a problem costs more than living with it.

In a workable friendship, hard conversations lower tension. Here they raise it.
You describe them differently to different people.

The version you defend in public and the one you experience in private have separated.
You've been told by more than one person that this seems one-sided.

Outside view exists for a reason. It doesn't settle it, but it counts as evidence.

Reading your count

0–2 — Probably a rough patch, not a pattern.: Most friendships hit two of these during a hard year. Name the specific thing and see what happens.
3–6 — Something real is off, and it's addressable.: Pick the one that costs you most and raise it plainly. How they respond is the actual test.
7+ — This is a pattern, and it's affecting you.: You don't need permission or a diagnosis to step back. Distance is allowed as a first step, not a last resort.

Before you use the word

None of this is a diagnosis, and none of it makes anyone a bad person. People can be unwell, overwhelmed, or badly matched to you without being villains. What matters is what this friendship is doing to you now, and whether it can change when you say so.

The lighter version

If what you want is to understand how the two of you fit rather than whether something is wrong, the bestie quiz maps the same territory without the loaded vocabulary. Or read the question lists and just ask.

Not a diagnostic instrument and not a substitute for a qualified opinion. If a relationship is affecting your health, start with Verywell Mind — Toxic Friendships.